ATTRACT LOVE

ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY STUPID & REALATIONSHIP DUMB

I was sitting in my office the other day watching couples fight as per usual at the Centre.

My thought was if they had only learned as children how to negotiate for their needs instead of fight.

We have all been brainwashed in the Competitive Adversarial Paradigm to fight for our needs.

The use of Control Drama’s as well as all sorts of manipulations and charms are such a waste of everybody’s time and energy includign the counsellors.

It’s mostly “he said, she said” and can you fix my flawed partner kind of BS we hear in the counselling room. .

People are not taking responsibility for their life and relationship circumstances.

If your partner is flawed look in the mirror and see who drew in someone who was flawed.

Like attracts like.

The fact is thru the Law of Attraction we have brought into our lives the people and circumstances that we may complain about and rail against.

Allow and Accept even if you don’t like it vs using influence and control techniques. 

We are trained in our society that we can fix or influence our partners. The reality is most of the time you cannot.

In my Book True Love on Demand (Use http://www.trueloveondemand.com) I teach people how to use Universal Laws and Principles on how to draw in ones highest and best mate.

If you are spending a lot of time fixing your partner, consider getting rid of them and pulling in better pickings using Universal Laws.

Don’t waste much time and energy trying to fix or influence your partner to give you what you want.

Just ask them nicely and if they don’t get it, love and accept them and if you feel its highest and best dump their sorry ass.

Emotional Intelligence means you maintain a happy loving positive state and are understanding and empathetic to your partner even though they are not meeting your conditional relationship needs.

Relationship Smart vs Dumb means you realize that relationships are a mutual filling of needs and if your partner does not meet your conditions accept them or leave them if they don’t want to change on their own to meet your needs.

Make sense, let me know.

===========================

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by learning the proprietary information in this system & ebook!
Used and tested with success by thousands of people over the
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=> http://www.trueloveondemand.com)

THE SECRET OF THE PLATINUM RULE

by Dr Rob Bilton

One of the biggest mistakes I have made with women in my life is not knowing their personality styles and the differences between them.

My fatal mistake was to treat people the way I wanted to be treated. I thought the Golden Rule was the Key. Its is in some general social situations like common courtesy however frankly people are different and have different personality styles ( in fact there are 16) , they have different communication styles which translates in relationship as different love styles and communication modes.

As well we all have different Value Centers and Personal LifeStyle Preferences.

So the next tip is to treat people the way they want to be treated.

Relationships are a Mutual Filling of Needs and you need to give the person you are pursuing and dating what they want in the way they want it otherwise your will lose out long term.

There are certain strategies to Attract and certain Strategies to Keep.

Give People what they want in the way they want it not the way you want it. People are different and want different things so the person you are wanting to be with has to be understood in terms of their Personality, Value, Vision and Communication Style

There are general Subconscious Mind Principles that govern all human interaction regardless of Personality and Communication Style. We spoke of a few earlier ie Authority, Defining the Relationship , Expertise, Power etc.

However once you have got someone’s Attention and Interest then your job is to give them “What they want” specific to their Unique
Combination of Personality, Communication and Value Factors and ideally have their Vision align with yours.

The next tip or secret which many men do unconsciously when they meet a woman but soon forget about and in fact is one of the biggest reasons why woman leave down the road is that of

You want to get Attention and Interest right off the bat. You want to give Positive Attention once you have the party interested but not in a way that makes you only a nice guy or friend and then you want to build Desire by tuning into the unique person your are with and giving them what they want in the way they want.

This is a big Secret of how to keep a person from ever leaving you. That is to get them and give them what they want because 99% of the competition has no clue about differences between people and how to tune in an give a given person exactly what they want

Frankly people expect you to know who they are an give them what they want. Most people are unconscious to the differences in others and when I discovered this an adapted my behavior I became ultra aware and very successful with women.

Its was a great light bulb moment. There are many resources we have that will allow you to tune in fast as to who you  are playing with and then give them what they want.

Paying attention, giving respect and unconditional love and approval is very attractive to a woman. There is a caution here though. If you do these things too early and without defining authority power and stature with a social system you will be perceived as a nice guy and will shoot yourself in the foot.

Based on the Personality Style of the person you are interested in Attention and Stroking is very valuable. If they are a more dominat task oriented type of personality then Respect and Approval of their rules and methods is there alluring drug.

One of the other 7 Principles for Relationship Success we teach in Love by Design is to be Strong and Independent. We talke earlier about this young lady who was in my office and me previously 20 years ago lose out when we presented needy dependent behaviors.

Neediness is a repelling energy. Partners of both sexes want confident , interdependent, independent to a point people. A Strong emotionally, financially independent person is attractive.

When I financially somewhat dependent on Lucy she started to resent this after a few years and wondered when I would start to contribute more and be a co provider.

Relationships are conditional and most both men and women want assistance in creating a home and family.

Emotional neediness is draining to the other person  People want partners that love and respect themselves and who have it emotionally together and are independent and interdependent in a healthy way.

Being unavailable emotionally and totally aloof will eventually backfire in a long term relationship because most people crave intimacy unless they are emotionally shut down. Should you be with a personality or person that is like that then your best strategy is to match that level of behavior.

If you think of a Relationship with a person as a series of plug ins the more plug ins or lines of connection with them that you have the better.

So if you are emotionally open and affectionate and that’s what they want then it’s a good thing you have those open lines of connection.

If they are closed in the department and you have those lines open, you will eventually annoy them. If you have those lines open but don’t define authority and have a certain power and respect you will eventually annoy them.

Are you getting how these principles converge or don’t and that how to make it work especially if you adapt them to the specific combination of personality style , values and vision you are playing with.

One to the next secrets to keep Strong and Independent is to understand the Reality of this World and Universe.

Most of us are programmed and trained in what we call the Competitive Adversarial Paradigm which is based on the assumption life is a struggle and resources are scarce.

If you develop and keep this belief system you will fall prey to victimization, powerlessness and end up pretty needy and desperate in relationships.

The weakest position anyone can be in a relationship situation is believing that their partner or potential partner is the “only one for me” If you believe you can replace something whether it’s a car, job, house or partner you have pretty much undermined your negotiating position and will probably lose in the long run and suffer extreme emotional distress.

Those that win in the Relationship and Attraction Game are those that can lose a given round and that know there are plenty of “fish in the sea”

Otherwise you will always be needy and desperate which are very repelling energies.

There is great abundance in this world. You can tap into once you leave the competitive adversarial belief system and see the big picture in life.

What you are seeking is seeking you however you will not be able to attract that if you belief life is a struggle, things never work out , I am not good enough or all the good ones are taken.

Your belief system will shut you down and cut you off from the great potential out here. There are 5 billion people to choose from

You need to adopt a belief and attitude that there is great choice and abundance and that if a given situation doesn’t work out it’s a stepping stone to a better one.

People will sense your insecurity and neediness.

When I learned how to use Universal Attraction Systems my life in all eras got instantly easier and more prosperous. I applied the system to Relationships, Money, Real Estate and Material Items with great success. In my Book True Love on Demand – Creating the Relationships of Your Life & Dreams at trueloveondemand.com  I explain the principles and the systems for success as well as  what not to do with this system.

One need to develop personal, social, system and universal power to be successful in the Attraction and Relationship Game. .

You need to understand where your kinks are and work them out in any  of these areas you don’t have mastery in yet.

Once you master the principles in each of these areas its very easy to Create the life and relationship of your dreams. Its just a few things in each are however each area needs to be attended to create a complete package you can take out into the world and succeed in the Relationship Arena.

You will be Strong and Independent when you have developed the systems that can easily attract better opportunities and relationships that are ideally suited to you.

One of the other Secrets that helps one be successful, confident and strong and independent is the Principle of Highest and Best.

When you attract your highest and best partner its effortless. They want you . Yours and their personality blend easily. You share the same Vision and Values. Life is easy there is not struggle. There is chemistry attraction friendship and fun plus you and they get along and have similar lifestyles, goals and dreams.

You don’t have to slam a square peg into a round hole. If you have an understanding that you deceive your highest and best and can have that you will be very attractive out in the meet market because people will sense your optimism and strength and that is very attractive.

People don’t like the energy of powerless people whining about how they are victims and that their life is a struggle. We want people in our lives and we want to be folks who create the life they want and have the systems and power to achieve that.

That is quite attractive.

So this is a great tip to adopt these attitudes and develop in the areas you need.

You are as good as your system and any good system has a certain belief underpinning and paradigm linked with specific strategies and skills that create success.

With the knowledge you have gained from this Report alone will give you a huge advantage over the rest of the herd.

As you develop greater power ,awareness and understanding in the areas of personal awareness, relationship mastery, and develop systems that access Universal Power you will be able to easily attract the Love of your life as well keep them forever in your Highest and Best Soulmate Relationship.

=================

Relationship "Wizard" will teach you the little known secrets of
making use of the power of the universe to get your
True Love On Demand, revealed for the first time online
after over 15 years of application in the physical world.
Taught to only a selected, privileged few at his relationship centre,
this system of method is only disclosed after much arm twisting!
= > Click Here To Grab for yourself a copy today before he changes his mind!

Getting Back With Your Ex

If Your Looking To Get Back With Your Ex

 

The "Magic Of Making Up"

Could Be The Answer Your Looking For!

Click Below And Check It Out! 

http://howtogetbackwithyourex.info

Secrets To Having Success In Your Love Life and Relationships!

by Robby Bilton

According to ancient myths, our lives are played out at the whims of gods and goddesses rolling dice and amusing themselves with our fortunes and disasters. If we succeeded in this world, we were lucky, and if we failed, well, maybe Zeus was just having a bad hair day.

Sounds a little ridiculous, doesn't it?

That's because all of us have had the experience of working diligently, maybe for years, to achieve a goal, and then others congratulate us on our good luck when we know full well that luck had nothing to do with it.

Luck?! Yeah right...

Random good fortune is rare, gods or no gods. Personally, I have spent twenty years studying the top achievers in many fields, and it's obvious to me that luck is rarely a factor, unless we want to redefine it as L.U.C.K.: "living under correct knowledge."

The reason I titled my system "True Love on Demand" is that I have learned success and true Harmonic Relationships & Wealth can indeed be measured and duplicated, two criteria for scientific study. And the truth is that the internal game runs the external game: consciousness drives results, as you've been learning throughout this e-mail series. Most people tend to think the opposite, however; they believe they have to do something different to get different results, but the reality is that they have to be something different. Being is consciousness.

Remember your school locker...

Truly, when you get the combination of how things work at a consciousness level, then you can open the door to success every single time. It's just like having the combination to a padlock. If you don't have the combination, then you may open it periodically (success may occur temporarily), and then you'll chalk it up to chance, but you'll also set yourself up for frustration and failure.

Many people do this.

They have a great month or quarter or year, then it slips from their fingers and they don't know why. That's because they don't know consciously what is driving them unconsciously — the TBS as you've learned in the previous e-mail lessons.

Creating a rapport between those two levels of consciousness is really what The Secret is all about: How do we consciously choose where we're going, what we're about, what we want to create in our lives, and then hand it over to the unconscious mind to move the body into action to create the result?

Like learning to ride a bike — or...

It's like learning to drive a stick shift. At first, you have an awful lot to consciously control: the gears, the clutch, the steering wheel, the brake, the accelerator. Then, in time, it becomes automatic, unconscious.

How often do you drive totally unconscious...

And we even develop the ability to drive from one place to another without thinking at all, to arrive at our destination and wonder, How did I get here? In fact, we might even go places we didn't plan to go, such as the office on a Saturday, just because we're on autopilot.

Life can be like that, too. But if we want to create a genuine rapport between the conscious and unconscious where we choose our destination and the unconscious supports us in getting there, we can use the Universal Laws of Harmonic Relationships & Wealth  which was based on the work I did for my book, The Secret to Creating the Life & Relationships of Your Dreams.

Each of these laws, which I called SuperLaws, were drawn from physics and applied to daily life. We have been studying these laws already in small pieces throughout the course and is include in our Secrets of the Universe and Wizardry Mastery series.

Laws, not Luck, is the name of the game...

If you talked to a physicist and asked, "What creates our universe," he or she would answer, "Energy."

If you requested a description of energy, you would hear something like, "It's in and through everything, and all that ever was and shall be. It has always existed and it can never be created or destroyed. It's always coming into form, moving through form and out of form."

Then, if you went to a theologian and asked the same question, you would get a similar explanation:

    "What creates our universe?"
    "God."
    "Would you describe God?"
    "God is in and through everything, all that ever was and ever shall be..."

Same thing. It's just a matter of terms.

So clearly, whether you are partial to science or theology, energy/God is the source of everything; everything is comprised of energy. I once read that in our bodies, we each have enough energy to light up the whole North American continent for a week. Convert that to kilowatt hours, and it's worth billions. We are, just as everything else is, comprised of energy.

So our foremost task in following the laws of success, indeed the laws of the universe, is to use that energy wisely, which doesn't just mean to spend that energy, but also to collect, condense and escalate it. Who we are and the results we can produce are a direct reflection of the amount of energy we have within us.

There is a time and place for massive action, but there is also a time and place for no action. Clearly, to sit still even for a little while takes a lot of courage, since most members of our society don't buy into this idea. Instead, they're of the opinion that it's perfectly okay to go, go, go on the highway of life at 80 miles an hour and never stop for gas.

Extend the metaphor and it holds true: this is impossible to maintain, or the vehicles (we) break down. No gas, no go.

We see people for whom the go, go, go has paid off financially, yet their emotional lives run on empty. They've ego-powered themselves into certain monetary results, but they haven't taken the time to fill up in a long, long time.

Likewise, we know those who have admirable relationships but are financially broke, those who are devoted to spiritual practice but are also sick all the time, those who have great health but no real spiritual connection. All great teachers and sages have told us repeatedly that life is meant to be fulfilling and complete in all areas; we are meant to experience Harmony

Why is it, then, that so many of us lack vitality — positive energy — in one or more areas of our lives?

To the degree that we increase our personal velocity through the constant balance of yang (activity) and yin (inactivity/receptivity), we will find our environment and our world will change.

How can you put this to work in your life?

   1. If you passionately feel that something is right to do, do it passionately. If you are ambivalent or uncertain, wait. Take time each day to be alone and journey inside (yin).

   2. Turn off "the plug-in drug" (a.k.a. the TV). This income and energy reducer transmits a constant stream of electrons right into your brain that can put you in a trance and dull your mind. Witness the most popular programs: nightly news, reality TV, Jerry Springer, WWF, organized sports — and then study history and the fall of great empires or just focus on books and audio’s that change and expand your knowledge of Relationship Mastery and How the Universal Dream Machine works..

   3. Stop listening to and reading the news. This can keep you in a constant state of fear and disempowerment. Doubt me? Prove me wrong! Everything we are told is murder, mayhem, and sensationalism. Everything communicated will ultimately dull the senses, limit creativity, and suggest that we are totally out of control and unable to do anything about the world in which we live.

If you read True Love on Demand, In less than 72 hours, you'll be able to turn on a brand-new flow of energy in your life. You'll discover the truth of who you really are — the unique, timeless, universal soul who deserves the best life has to offer — and you'll leave the weekend with both the drive, the skills, and the mindset to create what you've always wanted.

Bold claims? Maybe...

I realize these are big claims, and I do not make them lightly. But they are backed up by the results of thousands of people just like you who have learned how to supercharge their daily existence with the kind of success that creates not burnout but balance, not hardship but happiness. I

And if you already believe passionately that this program is right for you, click here and join me for the doorway to your new level of Universal and Relationship Mastery— because you deserve The Power to Win!

=================

Relationship "Wizard" will teach you the little known secrets of
making use of the power of the universe to get your
True Love On Demand, revealed for the first time online
after over 15 years of application in the physical world.
Taught to only a selected, privileged few at his relationship centre,
this system of method is only disclosed after much arm twisting!

= >Click Here To Grab for yourself a copy today before he changes his mind! 

An Easy Way To Handle Rejections And Objections In Your Relationship

By Cucan Pemo

I often get these questions from my readers, "What if he doesn't return my calls?", "What if she doesn't reply my mails?", "I send him a card and I haven't heard from him until now.", "What if she doesn't want to connect? I don't want to sound like i'm
manipulative.", "I have changed for the better, but how can I make her see the new me and experience the new me if she doesn't want to connect?", "He hasn't contact me for 3 weeks! What am I doing to do?"

So, today, I'm gong to share with you a story of a salesman and what I have learnt from him.

This salesman possesses in his hands a golden secret which can help you make relationship and love work for you again, even if all you are receiving are negative responses and rejections!

You may not know this, but do you know what whatever it is that you hold a strong belief on – whether you realize it or not, whether consciously or subconsciously – how your environment will be, how people will react and respond to you, will exactly be THAT which will support what you believe to be true?

In other words, your reality is THAT which matches your beliefs!

As within, so without.

The evidence and proofs (that YOU want to see) will start to spring up from everywhere around you, so that you'll feel that
it feels right things are the way they are right now.

De-hypnotize yourself now!

Here is the story of a salesman which I would like to share with you here. His story will open up your eyes and your mind to seeking a creative solution for yourself if you like to make a connection with your dream date, or even to make a re-connection with your current partner.

Once a young salesman cornered a professional salesman after a seminar, to complain passionately about the executive he had to deal with at one of his
key accounts.

"Everytime I go to him with a new product, a new idea, a better way of doing things," he said, "he instantly shoots it down or brushes me off. How am I ever going to expand this account's value if I can't even get my ideas listened to? There's just no point even telling this guy about anything new."

I asked,"How do you usually approach this fellow with your ideas?" I listened as the salesman described when and how he went to this customer with new products or ideas. He described what he said and what the client said.

"Does it always happen like that?" I inquired.

"Absolutely," the salesman said. "It's as if there was a script and we each read out parts."

"It might as well be," I told him. "As long as you make the same first move, he is going to make the same second move. You and he are having the same chess match over and over again. Because you are frustrated with this client, you keep approaching him exactly the same way, just waiting for his unsatisfactory response. And you get it.

Let me tell you what a person with the habit of optimistic response might do.

First, he would STOP doing the same thing over and over.

Second, he would know two things in his heart: one, that this person can be reached, interested, opened up, even inspired - because EVERY human being can be!

Third, he would keep trying different approaches until one proved effective."

If whatever methods or approaches you are making is not working for you to make that connection again, STOP using the same unproductive approaches over and over again.

Secondly, realize that EVERY human beings can be inspired and motivated. Make the efforts to find out what motivates your partner or your spouse, NOW. Remember that what motivates him/her years ago might not be the same as of TODAY. But one truth about human nature stays the same throughout centuries. Everyone of us needs a little uplifting every now and then.

Third, if that salesman comes up to me and all he wants to talk about is himself and how good his products are, I WILL stop listening. You see, I'm sick of listening to sales pitch.

Think about this, if all you want to do is to come up to me and talk about why YOU are needed by me and why YOU should be staying by my side, even "brainstorming" with me why I am wrong and why YOU are right, I would have to ask you to go away and leave me alone. 

Truth is, I'm sick of listening to the same old things over and over again. Do you have anything better and more refreshing to do and say THAT WILL UPLIFT MY SPIRIT?

The story of the salesman is extracted from the wonderful book “Zero Resistance Selling” by Dan Kennedy. You can get this book from any bookstores. I have gained tons of insights and wisdom which I can readily apply in my personal and love life just from this wonderful book alone.

We shall select our life partners with utmost care, for their ability and desire to contribute to, and share in the common enterprise. Some people will discover that, despite their best efforts, they have chosen wrongly, and will have to start all over again from scratch. Yet such a decision will be too seri­ous to be made without the most exacting investigation by competent specialists.

To go into a love relationship or even to marry is to enter upon a building program. The job of each couple who come together is to construct a permanent home for themselves in which they can best raise their children. A good relationship, like a good house, must have more than at­tractive features and glamour. It must be constructed of good materials. It must be constructed soundly enough to be able to weather the winters and storms of adversity and dis­appointment as well as the summer days of pleasure. Building any sound structure means work. Often you must expect in­conveniences and difficulties; unsolved problems and bits of adjustment not yet made part of the structure. There will be backaches and heartaches.

A good relationship or marriage should be livable. Our fathers were often satisfied with a marriage stalwart enough to stand up during the years. We of today demand more. We want our marriages to do more than to shelter and to protect. They should be so designed as to provide ample opportunity for rich and satis­fying living. If marriages are to meet this demand, they must be carefully planned. Such planning requires not only intel­ligence, but technical knowledge. We shall wish to consult, at least through their books, our matrimonial architects.

What do we get for all this? Lots of fun, because build­ing is fun; among the most satisfying of all activities. We get a house of relationships in which to live. It would be easier and cheaper to find some cave of selfishness to occupy. It would be quicker and less expensive to begin with, to throw up some shack of temporary sex relationships. But such expedients could not provide us with a home. And so we will continue to demand habitations of relationships fit for civilized people, because only so can we be most truly human.

 

Building A Solid Relationship: Persuading A Special Someone They Need You

By Cucan Pemo

The art of persuasion isn’t new to the dating world and the concept is really quite simple. You have to create a need for the person, ensure they realize the need, help them figure out how to fulfill that need and then fill that need for them.

The basics of persuasion are primarily that you have to be you and you have to make yourself the need of the other person. This works for both men and women and works on the opposite sex well.

First of all—you have to make a good first impression. You should be clean, healthy and in good repair (meaning your hair should be clean and brushed, your teeth clean, your general appearance clean, neat and tidy). You need to make yourself something worthy of being desired—attractive and clean. This is part of the persuasion—being desirable.

Be a nice person—if part of your first impression is you at your worst or not at your best, you will be

How To Move From Friends To Lovers - Dos and Don'ts For Women

By Cucan Pemo

Moving from friends to lovers with a man is not always easy. It can actually be very frustrating for some. It is not always easy to make this transition happen in most instances. In fact, it can make or break a relationship if a woman is not careful and does not do all the right things to make sure that it is moving in the right direction.

There are a few things that a woman should and should not do when she is trying to turn her friendship into much more with a man. She needs to think about this carefully and move at a comfortable speed for both people involved. I would say that this is not only scary for the man but also scary for the woman because she is not sure how he will react to her feelings of love.

The one thing that a woman does not want to do is use this as a time for a one-night stand. The last thing that a woman should do is breaking her friends heart. You have to be very careful so that you are not using this person to

Get My Ex Back -- Turn off the Noise and Get Some Good Advice

 

Saying to yourself, "how can I get my ex back?" is probably driving you crazy. You may be asking for advice from friends and family members only to receive confusing information from all sides. The truth of the matter is that while they may have been in your shoes before, the chances are good that they were not successful in getting their ex back, which can be discouraging.

That's why it's important to make sure you're getting your information from the best possible place. It's not enough to take advice from anyone you run across. This can be damaging to your relationship and cause you to lose the love of your life forever.

For example, have you ever had a friend tell you to just "call him?" This is very damaging, and can lead to

How To Get A Mr Right To Fall In Love With You!

By Cucan Pemo

You’ve seen him—we all have. That guy from across the room who makes our heart skip a beat, who leaves us breathless, who we’ve found an instant attraction to. Is he the one? Is he Mr. Right or Mr. Right-Now? If he’s Mr. Right, how do we get him to come to us and be interested?

 It doesn’t matter who the guy is—it could be the new guy at work, someone you saw at the grocery store or someone from around your neighborhood. It could even be a guy you’ve known for sometime and are just now finding attractive and interest in. 

 If it’s someone you already know and now you’re falling in love, you don’t want to scare him away if he doesn’t feel the same way you do. How do you get him to fall in love with you without getting clingy or weird and without scaring him off? There are a few crucial moves that a woman can make in order to get Mr. Right to fall in love with her.

What Is It About Men That Turns Her On?

by Cucan Pemo

Ask any ten women what turns them on, and you’ll get almost as many answers. There are, however, a few qualities that make women swoon.  

1) Be sincere and passionate

If you’re honestly attracted to her, let her know – whisper it in her ear, allowing her to feel your breath on her neck, if you know her well enough to get that close. Just as you would be turned on if a woman told you that she found you appealing, women feel the same.

Don't feed her lame pickup lines or tell her what you think she wants to hear. Just tell her how you feel about her. The degree to which you share your feelings depends on your relationship, of course. If you’ve only recently met, don’t go overboard with the compliments or tell her that you’re in love – instead of being charming, that’ll just come off as creepy.

But you’ll earn points with her if you’re willing to simply say, “I’m very, very attracted to you” – women need

5 Amazing Ways To Turn Men On In Romance

by Cucan Pemo

It’s not all about sex!

What do men want? It may seem like there’s only one answer to that question -- “sex” -- but men are actually a bit more complicated than that. Surveys of men show a variety of things that turn them on when it comes to women they’re dating. Here are five to keep in mind as you navigate the pitfalls of single life.

1. Take care of yourself.

Yes, men like breasts and butts. And yes, there’s only so much you can (or should) do about those areas. You are who you are, physically and mentally, and you shouldn’t change yourself dramatically for anyone.

What we’re talking about here are little things that can make a big difference in your appearance. Always being dressed in nice, decent clothes, having fresh breath, having clean hair (but not over-styled -- men like simple when it comes to hair), shaving your armpits and legs regularly, and so forth.

It doesn’t mean you have to be a size 2 and go to the gym every day. It just means taking care of the body you have and going out of your way to be fresh and clean when you see him.

2. Let him know he’s #1 with you.

While men don’t like women who are subservient and docile, they do like to know that they’re important to you. Men are as insecure about relationships as women are, if not more so.

He probably won’t want to talk about the relationship and define it and label it, but he does want to know where he stands.

Let him know by leaving cute love notes for him or by calling him at the office to say hello. He wants to know that while you have your own life to lead, you’re taking time to think about him, too.

It will also make him more likely to make the same kind of sweet gestures for you in return, once you’ve opened the door for such things.

3. Be confident.

You may not look like a supermodel or have the body of a porn star. You may not be the smartest, prettiest, or sexiest woman you know. But damn it, you’re not half-bad, either!

Guys love a woman who’s confident in herself. Not cocky or arrogant or snotty, but confident. Smile when you enter a room. Don’t look nervous in new surroundings. Act like you’re completely happy with your body and personality, even if you’re not. Men notice the difference.

When you present ideas to your partner, state them with confidence. Don’t always defer to, “Whatever you want to do is fine” when discussing plans together. Give your opinions! When he asks what you’d like to do this weekend, give a suggestion.

Often, women are afraid to be too bold in their opinions, mistakenly believing men want their ladies to be quiet and humble. What men actually say they want in polls and studies is a woman who will speak her mind and be a true PARTNER in the relationship.

4. Be independent.

Speaking of being a true “partner,” here’s another tip that men find incredibly attractive: Have a life. It’s disconcerting to meet someone and get the impression she didn’t exist before you came into her life, but that’s what it feels like for some men.

They meet women who don’t go out, don’t socialize much, don’t do much of anything outside of work. That’s not a partner, that’s a Barbie doll!

By the same token, if you already do have a life, don’t shut it down when a man comes into your world. Continue to hang out with your friends, dedicate energy to your job, and all the other things you used to do. Don’t be so career-oriented that you don’t have ANY time to be with your partner, but don’t completely turn everything else off for him, either.

Men like women with backbone. If you occasionally can’t be with him because of other obligations, it will make the times you CAN be with him seem all the sweeter. If you’re at his beck and call 24 hours a day, well, where’s the fun in that?

5. Have a sense of humor. Don’t be afraid to crack a joke. Our society places great importance on funny men but rarely on funny women, and so women are often get the subconscious message that jokes are for guys to tell. But it’s just not true. Men love it when women can make jokes as well as they can. Avoid being dirty or using profanity -- men appreciate ladylike behavior -- but if he makes a one-liner about the bad service in the restaurant, don’t hesitate to offer one of your own, too. Partners love to be able to tease each other playfully.

What if you’re just not that funny a person? You can still have a sense of humor by appreciating other people’s jokes. If he says something funny, or if something funny happens nearby, don’t be afraid to laugh.

Again, the old-fashioned ideas of women laughing demurely and daintily, covering their mouths with their hands, are outdated. If it’s funny, LAUGH. Don’t be shy, don’t be coy. Just laugh. Laughter is one of the great tools in any relationship. It’s one of the greatest sounds in the world. Let him hear it from you. 

No one has yet worked out ALL the secrets of how to make men happy. But these tips are a start, some simple ways you can be your best self and make him see what a great partner you can be.

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Attracted To Unavailable Men: What Is Happening When You Keep Choosing Unavailable Men?

by Cucan Pemo

How can you break the disastrous cycle?

One of the most common problems women report in their relationships is that they often find themselves falling for men who are unavailable. This can include men who are already involved in relationships, whose jobs prevent them from devoting any time to a girlfriend, or who are unattached and have time but are simply emotionally immature and thus “unavailable” for a relationship.

Why do we keep attracting and choosing these men? It’s almost as if we WANT to fail!

Well, guess what. That may be part of it.

Some of the most common reasons for this pattern are as follows:

1. Some women don’t actually want real commitment.
2. Some women inadvertently seek to recreate the bad relationships their parents had.
3. Some women have emotional baggage that prevents them from getting intimate, so they seek out men who can’t be intimate.
4. Some women have low self-esteem that makes them believe they aren’t worthy of a good man.

Therapists say that in discussing the problem with their patients, they often find that subconsciously, some women don’t want real intimacy or commitment.

They have their own emotional blocks that are preventing them from seeking out healthy relationships -- but since they crave companionship, simply being alone isn’t an option. Hence, they subliminally look for a man who can qualify as a boyfriend but who can’t be anything lasting.

What causes this kind of self-sabotage? Your own experiences with friends probably tell you what studies have confirmed: We often unintentionally seek out relationships that parallel our parents’.

If your mother constantly had to take care of your worthless father, you may find yourself looking for worthless men yourself. If your parents were didn’t pay enough attention to you, you might look for men who will be similarly distant. History often wants to repeat itself.

The first step in ending this cycle for yourself is to recognize that it’s a problem. You’d be surprised how many women just don’t see it. They bounce from one bad relationship to another, never connecting the dots to realize what all these men have in common. By finding the common thread -- that they’re all unavailable, and that’s why the relationships don’t work out -- you’ve taken the first step.

Of course, in some cases, it can be coincidence. Sometimes you just happen to fall for two guys in a row who are unavailable. Two is a coincidence. Three starts to sound more like a pattern. Think about your past relationships. Why didn’t they work? Were there a variety of factors, or are they attributable to more or less the same thing?

If you think you’ve fallen into the trap of pursuing men you can’t or shouldn’t have, stop to think about why that might be. What was your parents’ relationship like? How was your relationship with them? Have your recent romantic failures paralleled it at all?

Consider also whether you have other baggage that could be stopping you from enjoying a healthy relationship. Often these are self-esteem issues. Women’s magazines are full of articles about women who don’t feel “worthy” of a good relationship, who feel like they don’t deserve a good man so they constantly take the scrubs instead.

Increasing your self-esteem is a topic too large for one article, but that’s what it boils down to. Improve your love for yourself and you may find your behavior improving to match it.

To attract men who are trustworthy and reliable, who will treat you with love and respect, you need to love and respect yourself. That means not letting men treat you shabbily. We’re not talking about being a diva here.

We’re talking about expecting the men you date to treat you with courtesy and respect -- and more importantly, not giving them any reason to think you deserve any less. Sleeping with a guy on the first date doesn’t exactly send the message that you’re a classy woman who should be treated with respect.

If you are honoring yourself and your womanhood by acting with confidence and class, then men should see it and act accordingly. If they don’t -- and this is important -- don’t put up with it. Kick any man to the curb who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. That will quickly weed out the unavailable men and leave only the decent ones in the pool. 

Dating can be terribly taxing on a woman’s ego, self-esteem and sanity. There’s so much rejection inherent in finding a mate that it can hard to keep going after one relationship ends. The important thing is to feel good about yourself, to treat yourself properly and to truly believe that you deserve good things. Once you’re there, you’ll find that the men who are no good for you will stop being appealing, and only the good ones will strike your fancy.

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What Men Want: What Men SECRETLY Admire About Women

by Cucan Pemo

Most men wouldn't ever admit that, even just a little, they sometimes wish they were more like women. But women have a lot of qualities that men secretly envy. Their buddies might laugh if they ever admitted it ... but really, women have a lot going on that men wish they could have, too.

1) That "multi-tasking" thing

Maybe it's because men were once mighty hunters intensely focused on tracking prey, while women had to manage the food, the fire, the cave and the kids all at once, but women are far better at multi-tasking than men. A research study at Duke University found that female rats learn multiple cues to navigate a maze, remembering both visual landmarks and the maze's geometry, but male rats only learn the geometry. The conclusion was that female brains are better able to comprehend multiple concepts at one time than male brains.

Other researchers argue that, in humans, it's not hard-wired into the brain at all, it's simply that women get more practice multi-tasking than men do, so they're better at it. Whatever the reason, men often get confused or overwhelmed when asked to manage too many tasks at once – and they admire the fact that a woman can toss in a load of laundry while updating her resume, then answer the phone and pay for the pizza ... all at the same time.

2) Expressing emotion

When little girls cry, their parents cuddle them and kiss away their tears. When little boys cry, they're told to get over it and stop being a cry-baby. And, for the rest of their lives, men are pressured by society to be strong, unafraid and unemotional. Until, that it, they get in a relationship and suddenly they're supposed to talk about their feelings! It's really not fair when you think about it.

Men feel all the same things that women do – they're just not supposed to express it. Fear, sadness, giddy joy, frustration, all of these emotions are supposed to be played out in a "manly" fashion, with quiet dignity. The only emotion, in fact, that men are encouraged to express is anger – so is it any wonder that domestic violence is such a problem?

Women, however, are allowed to cry when we're sad or frustrated, jump around squealing with glee, and talk about how scared they are. Because of this, women are better at identifying their emotions, and are more open to experiences that will inspire them to emotional extremes. It's as if women have a crayon box with a hundred different colors, but men only get one brown crayon – and if they were really honest, most men would admit that they're jealous.

3) Women are strong

The stereotype of woman as "the weaker sex" is dead wrong, and men know it. Women give birth, hold down jobs while raising children, put their own needs on hold to care for others, do most of the housework and manage the emotional issues in their relationships. Women play sports, wage war and lead nations, and they don't fall apart when they have a head cold. In the 18th century, author Samuel Johnson wrote, "Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little." Men envy – and even fear – women's strength, and they secretly admire that they are capable of doing so much, often for very little visible reward.

The ability to remember absolutely everything

Women have terrific memories, perhaps because of that multi-tasking skill. They remember names, dates, birthdays, anniversaries, who gave them a certain gift on Christmas five years ago, and the color of the blouse they were wearing the day they met her third boyfriend. Men, on the other hand, remember only what they have to, or things they find especially interesting. Sports scores? Check. The specifications for the computer he's thinking about buying? Check. That it's his turn to pick up the dry cleaning? Well ... not so much.

In her book "The Female Brain,"  neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine wrote that women, in addition to differing from men in levels of estrogen, cortisol, and dopamine, have 11 percent more neurons devoted to emotions and memory.

Researchers studying the brain continue to find differences in memory function between men and women – studies have found that women recall more emotional autobiographical events than men, produce memories more quickly and with greater emotional intensity, and report more vivid memories than their spouses for events related to their first date, last vacation, and recent arguments. So it's not that men don't want to remember all those seemingly insignificant things – they just don't have the right kind of brain!

4) The depth of feminine friendships

Men have buddies ... women have friends. It's not unusual for women to keep close friends for 20 or 30 years, while men often have superficial relationships based on common activities like sports, hobbies or drinking. It's not that men don't want intimacy in their friendships as much as women – they do.

But women's friendships tend to be based more on emotional connection and conversation, characterized by a lot of self-disclosure and mutual assistance. Men's friendships, being primarily activity-oriented and based on shared experiences, aren't perceived as having the same emotional richness as women's. It's one reason why so many men call their wives their best friend – relationships with women allow them to have the sort of conversation-heavy, emotionally satisfying friendships that women come by so naturally.

Gender differences aren't as great as we often tell ourselves that they are. People, whatever their gender, generally want the same things – honesty, kindness, love. If the emotional/psychological balance sometimes seems tilted too far in one direction or another, it all evens out in the end. Revel in your strengths, knowing that women are as strong a force of nature as men, and that you have gifts that they secretly envy.

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How To Tell If She Is Really Committed T0 The Relationship

by Cucan Pemo

So you’ve found the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. The problem is, how do you know if she feels the same way about you? You may also be wondering if she’s really the one for you. There are a few question you can ask to determine if the time is right to take the plunge:

1. How long have you been together?

Every relationship has its own unique ebb and flow, but relationship experts have found that it usually takes about two years for a couple to fully commit to each other and begin what’s called the “negotiation phase” of the relationship – the period in which you’ve both gotten to know each other so well that you’re battling out what you will and won’t live with while trying to hang onto your individual identities.

Interestingly, statistics show that most couples get married after knowing each other for only 18 months, so it’s no wonder so many newlyweds fight like cats and dogs! If you’ve only been together a few months, it’s too soon to decide for sure that this is a lifetime relationship – it’s certainly worth thinking about, but don’t jump the gun.

2. Are you ready to commit?

Make sure you’re absolutely certain that you’re ready to settle down before you worry about what she’s feeling. Think about what you’re giving up – sleeping in on weekends, all night video game sessions, beer with the guys, dating other women, drinking milk straight out of the carton – and weight it against everything that you’ll get from a long term relationship with her. If you have any regrets about giving up your single lifestyle, then you’re not ready.

3. Is she ready to commit?

This shouldn’t be too hard to figure out. Does she leave a toothbrush at our apartment and feels comfortable cooking in your kitchen? Has she introduced her to her family and friends? Does she gaze longingly at babies in strollers when the two of you go out for lunch? Then she’s ready to commit. On the other hand, if she hasn’t given up going out with other men, has never brought you ‘round to meet her parents and insists that you don’t leave any of your stuff at her place, she’s probably not ready.

4. Is she commitment-phobic?

A obsessive aversion to commitment is usually thought to be an entirely male problem, but women suffer from it, too. Experts point out that women exhibit it in different ways from men – mainly by repeatedly getting involved with men who are unavailable to them.

If the woman you love has a history of dating men who are married, or gay, or who treat her badly and break her heart, you may be involved with a commitment-phobe. If she picks fights with you whenever your relationship starts to settle down and become comfortable, that could be another sign. She could have come from a home with parents who made marriage seem unappealing, or she may just be attracted to the drama of new romance followed by the inevitable break-up.

But if she’s not ready, that can be a problem if you’re sure that she’s the one for you.

5. Are you willing to be patient?

If the lady you love really is a commitment-phobe, you have two choices – you can stick around and hope that she’ll change her mind, or you can find someone else. You have to ask yourself what’s more important to you, to be in a committed relationship, or to be in a relationship with her no matter what form it takes. If your heart belongs to her and you want to stick it out, then be realistic about what that means.

It may take months or years for her to come around to where she’s ready to fully commit to a relationship – during which time, you’ll have a number of fights as you adapt to your situation, and she may go out with other men. And ultimately you may not be the man she chooses – it’s not unusual for a man to stand by patiently waiting for a commitment-phobic woman to come around, only to have her fall in love and marry someone else.

If you truly love someone, you should try to negotiate a relationship that’s satisfying for both of you. But if one of you wants to get married, settle down and raise a family and the other person isn’t ready to do that, there’s not much you can do besides be patient and hope for the best.

You may find that the best solution is to put your own expectations on hold, and accept that not every great love affair ends in long-term commitment. Enjoy your time together, love her for who she is, and perhaps you’ll get your wish and she’ll commit to a lifetime of happiness.

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Keep Your Love Alive

A recent study reveals that making a relationship successful requires some amount of efforts. According to Dr. Catherine Birndorf, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center, Valentine's Day serves as a reminder to take that extra step towards your better half.

"Most people don't realize a relationship is effort ful and not static. It's a dynamic evolution," she said. She added: "A genuine interest and curiosity about your partner is essential -- take the care and make the time to keep up with him or her."

Brindorf lists out a few simple tips to make your relationship a blissful one.

It becomes important to try and re-live the past. Recall all the sweet moments spent together and the activities that bought you closer to each other. Take pleasure in planing a date, special dinner, a walk around the park and create opportunities. It is important to take time out to connect to each other at leas once a day.

Make your gift giving special and thoughtful. They might not be the most expensive, but a little thought will make your partner realize exactly how special they are in your lives.

Parctice the art of giving-in. Let your partner pick up something you might not exactly enjoy, it is a great feeling to go selfless at times and let your loved one enjoy, you might end up having a great time together.

Pack up surprises. A little love note, unexpected voice mail or flirty text messages and emails all make a difference and lets your lover know that he/she is constantly on your mind.

Schedule your lovemaking, as the lifestyles are hectic in todays world. Make a date for sex and be strategic schedule play dates for the kids or set an alarm for the early morning. Having it on the schedule will give you something to look forward to and may allow the excitement to build around it.

Never shy away from complimenting your loved one. Take some time out to point out at his/her looks or a new dress. This will boost confidence in your partner and make you feel good as well.

'Happily ever after' not just a fairy tale

by Ridgely Ochs - Jan. 12, 2009 12:00 AM
Newsday

MELVILLE, N.Y. - Suzanne Bernstein said she and her husband, Sidney, eat side by side when they go out, always walk hand in hand, and begin and end each day with "I love you."

The couple from Weehawken, N.J., have been married 18 years, and Suzanne said the relationship is as passionate as when they first met.

Now research supports her claim.

A study at Stony Brook University looked at the brains of Bernstein and 16 other people married an average of 20 years and claiming to be still intensely in love. The MRIs showed activity in the same regions of the brain as those who had just fallen in love.

"It's always been assumed that passionate love inevitably declines over time," said Arthur Aron, a social psychologist at the Long Island university and one of four authors of the study, presented in November to the Society for Neuroscience's annual meeting in Washington, D.C.

"But in survey after survey we always have these people who have been together a long time and say they are intensely in love. It was always chalked up to self-deception or trying to make a good impression," he said.

This study suggests that's not the case, said Bianca Acevedo. Acevedo, now a postdoctoral student at Albert Einstein College of Medicine in the Bronx, is the chief author of the study, which she conducted for her doctoral dissertation in psychology while working under Aron at Stony Brook.

In fact, she said, the study found an advantage to the longer-term relationships she studied: The brains of those people showed less anxiety and obsessiveness.

Aron had conducted an earlier MRI study, published in 2005, among 17 people who had recently fallen in love. He found that regions of the brain associated generally with reward and motivation - the same regions that light up when cocaine is taken - activated when the subjects were shown pictures of their beloved. These regions, Aron said, are not the same as those associated with sexual arousal.

Keith Davis, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of South Carolina, said other studies support Acevedo and Aron's research.

"I think popular literature underestimates how many retain a high level of intense emotional investment with their partners," Davis said.

Relationship 911: Why we choose the wrong partners

Relationship911.com

Life consists of a series of choices - some more important than others. One of the biggest choices we each face is who we select as a mate. Obviously, the key is to choose well. However, in the arena of interpersonal relationships, we frequently choose poorly. The reasons we choose poorly are generally based on one or more of the following factors:

THE MYTH OF LOVE

From the time we are children we are conditioned to believe in the notion of "romantic love," "everlasting love" and the "one true love." Therefore, when we enter into a relationship we tend to imbue the relationship with these notions and expectations. Unfortunately, however, our compulsion to achieve these romantic notions frequently blinds us to the more practical considerations surrounding the relationship and the character and habits of our mate. Turning a blind eye to these more practical issues often results in making a poor relationship choice.

REPLAYING OLD SCRIPTS

On a deeper, level the choice you make in a mate is frequently driven by a subconscious need to re-create a dynamic which is familiar to you from your childhood. For example, if you suffered emotional wounding as a child, and you have not healed from those wounds, then you may be subconsciously compelled to revisit these wounding issues throughout your adult life. Often, something about the mate you choose helps to reconstruct this childhood dynamic. Thus, the emotional wounding which is so familiar to you from your childhood gets played out, over and over again, in your adult love relationships.

FILLING A VOID

If you are experiencing emotional turmoil such as loneliness, desperation, spiritual emptiness, or general insecurity, then you may be searching for something to fill the void. All too often, that "something" turns out to be a love relationship. The problem is that your need for pacification can blind you to the negative qualities your mate may possess, or the relative incompatibility between the two of you. Hence, you wind up making a poor relationship choice.

YIELDING TO PRESSURE

Frequently, people are compelled to pick a mate and settle into a relationship in order to satisfy the expectations of parents, friends or society at large. When the focus is on relieving external pressure or "fitting in," you can easily overlook more important considerations, such as the qualities of the mate you choose.

The effect of being hostage to one or more of these dynamics is that you lose clarity as to your true motivation for choosing the mate you choose. Without this clarity, you are prone to do the following:

- Ignore red flags about your mate;

- Make compromises on certain of your fundamental needs and values in order to be with your mate;

- Mistake lust for love and compatibility;

- Put commitment to your mate ahead of compatibility considerations; and

- Mistake material comfort, beauty or power for love and compatibility.

The long and short of it is that if you are hostage to one or more of these dynamics, then you are either stuck in an unsatisfying relationship with the wrong mate, or you are in and out of relationships in which you repeatedly choose the wrong mate.

Why does this happen? The answer is that you are choosing your mates based on compulsion rather than free choice. Your best hope for curing this situation is to explore what drives your compulsion to make the mate choices you make.

Once you have clarity on what motivates you, you can commit to avoiding this mistake in the future, and free yourself to choose wisely. Remember, healthy relationships are borne of free choice, not compulsion.

Find more relationship content, advice and online counseling at www.Relationship911.com or www.Breakup911.com

Infidelity Trends to Watch in 2009

Infidelity expert Ruth Houston identifies emerging trends in infidelity for 2009. Houston is available for interviews on these and other emerging infidelity trends, and how these trends will affect marriages and relationships in the coming year

New York (PRWEB) December 30, 2008 -- Infidelity expert Ruth Houston has identified four important infidelity trends that she predicts will have a major impact on marriages and committed relationships in 2009 and beyond.

work spouse infidelity

internet-assisted infidelity

media-motivated infidelity

empty nest infidelity

Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news. She has been quoted in USA Today, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Los Angeles Times, and numerous other print and online media, and has also appeared on The Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN, Fox & Friends, Fox News, The Morning Show, BBC, CBC and over 480 other radio and TV shows worldwide.

Houston, who has been researching infidelity for 15 years, is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com and author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs.

Below, infidelity expert Ruth Houston comments on four influential infidelity trends.

WORK SPOUSE INFIDELITY
According to infidelity expert Ruth Houston, we can expect to see a significant increase in work spouse infidelity - workplace affairs which are an outgrowth of the work husband/work wife, relationships which many people consider to be harmless.

Says Houston, "I've been sounding the alarm for two years that work spouse relationships are not as benign as they may seem. Research in this area is still relatively new, but as more studies are conducted on the long-term effects of work spouse relationships, it will become apparent that they're not so harmless after all. Unless certain precautions are put into place, today's work spouse relationship will quickly become tomorrow's workplace affair."

Houston continues, "If a work spouse relationship is characterized by sexual attraction and secrecy, opportunity is the catalyst that will take it to the next level. That opportunity can take the form of business travel, working late, company-sponsored social events, or work spouses socializing with each other without the presence of their respective mates."

INTERNET-ASSISTED INFIDELITY
Houston points out, "In almost every episode of infidelity, the internet is involved in some way - either to initiate, facilitate, or maintain the illicit affair.

"Cyber cheating, or online affairs comprise a whole new category of infidelity. According to statistics, 30% of these internet affairs graduate from cyberspace and become real world affairs.

"Through e-mail, chat rooms, and instant messaging, the internet even helps affair partners stay in touch.

Houston says "The internet has made it easy for cheaters to find a willing mate. Adult dating sites connect married men and women with others who want to cheat. There are numerous websites where any type of extramarital alliance can be arranged, from a one night stand to a long-term affair. A click of the mouse gives the cheater instant access to an endless array of willing partners from all over the world."

"The would-be cheater, who in the past may have simply fantasized about having an affair without ever acting on those thoughts, can now test-drive infidelity online until he's ready to go full speed ahead. The internet has removed all the risk.

MEDIA-MOTIVATED INFIDELITY
Houston says, "Infidelity has become a form of entertainment - a spectator sport. It continues to be a dominant theme in movies, soap operas, TV talk shows, magazine /newspaper articles, and novels. As the media continues to publicize, dramatize, sensationalize, and glamorize infidelity, young and old alike will be influenced by what they see.

The public's collective curiosity will be piqued, and many people will want to experience the apparent excitement of an affair. With widespread coverage of cheaters from every walk of life - from presidents and politicians, to the guy next door -people are starting to view infidelity as the norm.

EMPTY NEST INFIDELITY
Houston also predicts that we'll be seeing more of a type of infidelity among baby boomers that she calls "empty nest infidelity."

Houston explains, " When the children have married, gone away to college, or left home to go out on their own, many baby boomer couples will realize that they've drifted apart, and now have little or nothing in common with each other. These marriages are ripe for an affair, and empty nest infidelity will occur.

Houston says, "Given the current state of the economy, many baby boomer couples in empty-nest situations will be financially challenged, and unable to afford a divorce. Other boomer couples will be reluctant to divorce because of strong family or financial ties, or an unwillingness to give up their current lifestyle or their social status. So they will continue to live together, but will enter into an "empty nest affair" - some without their spouse's knowledge - others by mutual consent.

Interview Ruth Houston about Other Infidelity Trends

These are just four of the infidelity trends that Ruth Houston predicts will influence marriage and relationships in the year 2009, and beyond.

To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston about these and other emerging infidelity trends,
call 718 592-6039 or e-mail InfidelityExpert@gmail.com

For more information, visit www.InfidelityAdvice.com or Ruth Houston's Infidelity News and Views Blog at http://infidelitynewsandviews.blogspot.com

About Ruth Houston:
Infidelity expert Ruth Houston, is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com and the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, which documents practically every known sign of infidelity.

Frequently called on by the media to comment on popular infidelity issues and infidelity-related breaking news, Ruth has been quoted in USA Today, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Los Angeles Times, New York Daily News, Cosmopolitan, the New York Post, the Chicago Tribune, the San Francisco Chronicle, the Toronto Sun, Maclean's, Chatelaine, the National Post, MSN Lifestyle, FoxNews.com, ABCNews.com, msnbc.com, Divorce360.com, iVillage, Reuters, the Associated Press, UPI and numerous other print and online media worldwide.

Ruth has also been a guest on The Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN, Fox & Friends, The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, NBC News, BBC, CBC, WCBS, ABC News, Fox News, 1010WINS, Sirius Satellite Radio, and over 480 radio and TV news and talk shows in the United States, Canada, Europe, South America, New Zealand, Australia, Africa, and the Caribbean.

For more information, visit www.InfidelityAdvice.com or http://infidelitynewsandviews.blogspot.com

To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, call 718 592-6039 or e-mail InfidelityExpert (at) gmail.com

Experiential exercises you can do everyday and which will teach you how to love intimately

~ Cucan Pemo

 Few people realize the power of experiential exercises. Fewer still know how to make full use of them. But those who do are able to unlock the reservoirs of positive energy present in their body. They feel healthier in body, in mind, and in soul. They are able to drive negative thoughts and negativity from their minds and their surroundings. 

Most important, they radiate positive energy when they reach out to others, energy that helps them build stronger and more intimate relationships. There is a spring and bounce in their steps; they do not get depressed easily; and they learn to enjoy life much more than others.

 

Experiential workshops

There are several groups that hold week or month-long experiential workshops where they teach breathing and body exercises. Most of these are group exercises, and an individual is required to follow the group leader or the trainer. Some of these workshops are residential, where the participants are provided healthy food to cleanse their systems of toxins. The experience invariably is explosive; participants go in as tired, stressed out individuals but come out full of energy.

 The exercises are backed by healing sessions which are aimed to dissolve fears, guilt and shame about sex. Most of the messages are conveyed through movement, music, creative art, breathing exercises hypnotherapy, and meditation. There is a feeling of intimacy and playful sharing. Individuals not only get to know their bodies better but how to use it to derive greater pleasure. 

Breathing exercises and meditation

The object of breathing exercises and meditation is to drive out toxins and negative feelings from the body and generate positive energy. Both perform this task in their own way. The breathing exercises drive out carbon dioxide from the body, and replace it with oxygen. The cells, which were battling with carbon dioxide earlier, get a flood of oxygen to breathe. They get energized and the chemical reactions occurring in them get a new life; they generate more energy that make individuals feel all charged up, alert, energetic and raring to go.

 Meditation, on the other hand, relaxes the body muscles and removes stress. It also drives away negative thoughts and forces individuals to focus on positive images. An individual feels relaxed and content. He finds it easier to deal with partners, and the day to day stresses and strains of life. He does not get worked up, and enjoys whatever he does. 

His love life improves because he can bring much more to the relationship. There is greater intimacy, and there is greater give and take. The individual is not in a hurry; he wants to cherish each moment of his love life.

 

The soft touches

The teachers of experiential exercises encourage soft touches or activities that touch the senses. That is why the experiential exercises are conducted against a background of soft music, which is all the time washing against the bodies of participants, cleansing them, touching emotional chords, making them feel better.

 The participants are also asked to draw. This is a great way for the unconscious mind to express itself. The trainer gets a chance to see the individual’s inner feelings, the thoughts that first come to participant’s mind. It’s another way to purge negative thoughts by making the individual aware of what his subconscious mind is thinking. 

Self-acceptance

Experiential exercises train us in self-acceptance. They make us realize that a healthy body is the gateway to a healthy mind, and a healthy soul. They make us accept ourselves as we are, and turn us into better human beings. This, in itself, is a great achievement. Our lives improve several-fold the day we learn to be at peace with ourselves.

 But all this will not happen in an instant. It takes years of training to move from the physical to the spiritual level. Individuals need to be patient. They must understand that they need to cleanse their body and mind of all negativity – which means thoughts and acts pertaining to pain, violence, jealousy, hate, anger, dislike etc – before they can move to a higher level. 

This should not, however, dampen their enthusiasm. Instead they should celebrate the coming together of body, heart and soul. They will find that they are better able to internalize the pleasures of love. They can reach out to their partners more fully, and bring more fulfillment to their sexual lives.

 The union of bodies will not generate any feelings of shame or guilt because the experiential exercises would have purged these feelings. There is more joy, and more intimacy in each union. 

So, if you have not felt the power of experiential exercises till now you should try to do so. It is an activity that has the potential to change your life -- forever.

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10 relationship resolutions for a sexier 2009

Did anxiety of 2008 kill your libido? Renew your love life in the new year

By Ian Kerner, Ph.D.

Sex therapist and relationship counselor

TODAYShow.com contributor

updated 3:21 p.m. ET, Tues., Dec. 23, 2008

Ian Kerner, Ph.D

The year 2008 turned out to be a time of worry. From the economy to the election, there was always something to fret about. For many of us tensions at home ran high and our relationships with our significant others were sorely tested. If you found yourself stuck in a sex rut and "suddenly slumping" you're not alone: anxiety is a major libido-killer. But the year ahead promises to be one of renewal and rejuvenation, and I'm personally resolving to live my love life to the fullest. Here are my personal relationship resolutions for a more "fulfilling" 2009:

1. Have more sex
Sounds obvious, but easier said than done. Even sex therapists get stuck in ruts and I’m no exception. According to a recent survey conducted by TODAY in conjunction with iVillage.com more than 30 percent of responders have been in a sex slump for a few months or more, and many have been in a slump for a few years. By some estimates, more than 50 million Americans are stuck in a rut! There’s truth to the phrase use it or lose it, and people who go without sex for extended periods of time often develop a "dearth of drive" as natural testosterone levels lower. Sometimes it seems like only yesterday since my wife and I last had sex, but yesterday can quickly become yester-year, so in the New Year I’m going to resolve to get it on at least once a week.

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2. Pitch in more around the house
This resolution is a little sneaky as it actually ties into #1. Researchers in the Netherlands found that “the key to female arousal seems to be deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety.” In a study in which the brains of men and women were scanned during the process of sexual response using a technique called positron emission tomography (PET), the results showed that the parts of the female brain responsible for processing fear, anxiety and emotion reduce during sexual activity. Says Dr. Gert Holstege  “What this means is that deactivation, letting go of all fear and anxiety, might be the most important thing, even necessary, to have an orgasm.” So if helping with the housework helps reduce my wife’s anxiety, then put me in front of a stack of dirty dishes and let me go to town.

3. Hug more frequently
My wife and I spend lots of time together, but we rarely, if ever, take the time to stop what we’re doing and just give each other a hug.  Yet all it takes is a 20-second hug to get the “cuddle hormone” oxytocin flowing in women and facilitate a sense of connection. Men need to be hugged three times as much as women to get to similar levels, so I’m actually going to go for a full minute of hugging once a day.

4. Look in my wife’s eyes when I say "I love you”
This one comes straight from my wife. Could it be a guy-thing? Anthropologists have long observed that women are "face-to-face" communicators, while men do so "side-by side." This means that women are much more comfortable with direct eye contact, whereas men find direct eye contact extremely confrontational. As Helen Fisher wrote in her remarkable book, Why We Love, "this response probably stems from men's ancestry. For many millennia men faced their enemies; they sat or walked sat by side as they hunted game with their friends." Well long gone are my days of game hunting, and in 2009 I plan to spend a lot more time staring into my wife’s eyes.

5. Be more positive
Studies show that the difference between those relationships that succeed and those that fail is the ability to have a high ratio of positive to negative interactions. It's actually believed that the ratio should be 5 to 1: five positive interactions for every negative one. Now obviously we can't go around counting our interactions, but we can intuit if we're largely in the positive, or swinging towards the negative.  And in 2009 I want to make sure there’s no doubt as to where I fall on the spectrum.

6. Cuddle more after sex
In this respect, I guess I’m a regular guy: after sex men return to the pre-aroused state, and women return to a semi-aroused state.  For guys it’s a total system shutdown. We just want to crash, whereas women often want to connect, cuddle, converse and sometimes even have more sex. And post-orgasm, prolactin levels spike, which also contributes to a sense of sleepiness. But getting sleepy is no excuse not to cuddle -- especially now that our boys are finally out of the bed.

7. Keep it fresh
After you’ve had sex with the same person at least a thousand times it’s easy to fall into a routine. There are two types of sexual arousal — mental and physical. In the beginning of a relationship, we have no shortage of sexy thoughts and feelings that turn us on and create a sense of sexual anticipation, but after a while the mental component can easily fade and we rely on physical stimulation. We know each other’s bodies and we know how to get where we’re going, but we don’t know how to appreciate the journey anymore. That’s when it becomes time to introduce some new routes and paths to pleasure.

8. Stay healthy
A person’s sexual health and overall health are intimately connected. Diet, stress, nutrition, exercise and medication all play a big role in sexual desire. If you, or your partner, aren’t taking care of your health, your sex life could quickly go in the dumps. Eat for your heart and you’re eating for your libido. Don’t just eat to live -- eat to love.  Exercise also increases metabolism, blood flow and the release of endorphins — all of nature’s natural aphrodisiacs. So in 2009 I’ll be hitting the treadmill.

9. Share a fantasy or two
Sigmund Freud gave fantasy a bad name back in 1908 when he said, “A happy person never fantasizes, only a dissatisfied one.” But research shows that people with active fantasy lives are more sexually satisfied, more sexually responsive and more adventurous about sex in general. Not bad. Kaye Wellings, a respected British biologist, puts it best in her book “First Love, First Sex”: “Fantasies perform a valuable function. Most of us, most of the time, behave conservatively, sexually and otherwise. Our erotic experiences represent only the tip of the iceberg in terms of possibilities. Many possibilities only see the light of day through fantasies or dreams, seldom as reality.”

10. Unplug
What’s the point of making all of these resolutions if we don’t actually make the time to have sex? Sure it’s easier said than done, what with careers and kids filling our days and nights; but lately we seem to be winding down on   respective laptops, so in 2009 I’m going to resolve to turn off the technology, tune in to my wife…and hopefully turn on.

And just in case my wife is reading, here’s a potential sex-resolution to start off her list: throw away the chicken-patterned thermal pajamas.

More from Ian Kerner Why you should have sex once a week Seeking satisfaction? Find a cuddler Recession proof your relationship Male menopause? Yes, it’s real Sex too short? Maybe he cares too much ... Sexual fantasies are key to a great sex life

Ian Kerner is a sex therapist, relationship counselor and New York Times best-selling author of numerous books, including "She Comes First" and the soon-to-be-published "Love in the Time of Colic: the New Parents' Guide to Getting it On Again." He was born and raised in New York City, where he lives with his wife and two sons. He can be reached at www.IanKerner.com

The Power of A Proper Attitude When Your Relationship Is Driving You Crazy

Attract Love

The Power of A Proper Attitude
When Your Relationship Is Driving You Crazy

By Cucan Pemo

There was once when someone wrote me and told me how hopeless and disappointed he felt when his girl-friend didn't take the initiative to invite him over to her hometown for her birthday celebration.

Worse, he was being informed by his girlfriend that she just met up with one of her former, "close" boyfriends.

Just by reading his mail, you could sense that his relationship was scarred and it was definitely not going smoothly.

He was not alone, feeling this way.

There was a time when my boy-friend didn't call me up as he usually would, when he went away for a sporting competition with his mates during the weekends.

I knew exactly where he went to, where he was, what he was doing; yet during that morning when I had had some time to take a break and was having a quiet morning; I couldn't help feeling uneasy and restless - that day!

I'm sure it happened to a number of you. Suddenly you just kept feeling restless, and you simply can't stop telling yourself stories (in your head, sort of like talking to yourself - an internal dialogue).

Things got worst when he didn't manage to give me a call that day; and I got more and more agitated, with my-self, as well as him!

I was quick to become fully conscious and aware of this inner dialogue and the agitations I'm feeling. It felt as if I was watching "someone" getting madder and restless, full of stories in her head!

He did call up late in the night (near midnight!); claiming that he was so caught with the preparation for his race that he didn't really have time to contact me upon his arrival in the noon.

I told myself I could have scream at him that he broke his "promise" of not calling at that specific time; and accused him of not staying back home to accompany me, but chose to spend the weekends with his buddies.

Yet, I was so relieved to hear his voice! When I recalled what happened during the day; I couldn't help laughing at myself! Boy! Our internal dialogue and "conversations" with our-selves can really torture us!

Feelings of insecurity and jealousy definitely have no place in a long term, committed relationship.

On the other hand; I'm not siding with the girl-friend mentioned above. She could have chosen to handle things differently and take into considerations the feelings of her boy-friend.

However, it is not worth it to torture your-self and make yourself unhappy when things are not seemingly going your way!

The guy told me his thoughts:
"Disappointed - because she didn't take the initiative to invite him over to her party"
"Angry and frustrated - because of the presence of her "close friend"

It all comes down to just how you can cultivate the right attitude towards yourself.

Getting the right attitude is the first thing on your list of things to do when you’re feeling helpless and frustrated about how things are going.

If you have learnt the laws of attraction, you'll understand that it's based on the idea that what you do and think in this world will then affect the outcome of your life.

For example, if you don’t believe that you can create your own wealth and abundance, chances are likely that you won’t.

If you don’t believe in a loving relationship, then you will not find one. But it’s not impossible to change the way that you think. All you need is the right tools to begin. Here are some ways to get started.

What you may not know

To begin, you will want to start thinking about the way that you think right now. What you can do is write down all of your thoughts during the day to see how many negative thoughts you have.

This can be a highly enlightening experience. Just the writing down of your thoughts can be interesting because you will start to realize just how many thoughts you have each day.

Once you’ve gotten a good idea of how many negative thoughts you can have during a typical day, it time to start turning them into abundance attracting thoughts – and you can do this by starting to question the way that you think.

Just by simply slowing down your thinking and asking yourself ‘why’ you think the way you do, you will start to see the fault in some of your lines of reasoning. You’ll realize that you really don’t have a reason for thinking what you do – or you just don’t have a ‘good’ reason.

But here’s the next step

Try to counter any negative thoughts with positive ideas. Many people find it to be a good practice to write down the negative thoughts they have and then counter them with something that turns the thought into a positive statement.

For example, if you sit around thinking that you just don’t have any money, change it into the idea that you might not have money now, but you will in the next few weeks. If you’re worried about paying your bills, tell yourself that you always have the money each month and you will again the next month.

You might also want to say the positive ‘rebuttal’ aloud if you’re in a place where you feel safe to do so. Simply tell yourself to ‘stop’ the negative thought, repeat it and then change it to something more positive. Then repeat that positive thought again to help yourself remember what you ‘should’ be thinking.

The power of a proper attitude

When you start to create a more positive mindset, it’s amazing what your life can become.

Not only will you begin to notice the good in everything around you, but you will also begin to see the opportunity in your environment. You’ll begin to see challenges as challenges, rather than instant problems. You’ll begin to see a chance to make things better as opposed to feeling hopeless about certain parts of your life.

And a positive attitude has also been linked to many health benefits too. People who are more positive tend to have fewer colds and flus than negative people. There is even some scientific research that is showing that more positive thinkers also tend to suffer less during illnesses as well as fight cancers and other diseases more easily.

An everyday process

Creating a positive mind is not something that you can just ‘do’ and then neglect; it is something that you must cultivate and nourish each day of your life.

You can accomplish this through keeping a journal of your positive thoughts or taking the time to be grateful for the positive things in your life. Some people find that thanking their chosen deity or religious practices to be comforting. Whatever helps you to feel like you are able to maintain your positive attitude, try to incorporate it into each day.

As you find your life and your attitude to be more positive each day, you will find that things come to you more easily. You’re not struggling with your life as much as you once were. This is due to the laws of attraction. Because you are putting good ‘vibes’ into the world, they are returning to you in the form of less stress and resistance in your life. Learn to become fully conscious and aware of your internal "dialogues". The power of positive thinking? Absolutely.

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